Underappreciated Scholar

How To Survive Boot Camp, Rehab And Other Extraneous Information You Could Never Possibly Need To Know

By John Arterbury @ Glassbottled.com

A. Never get your hopes up. Expectations are more often shattered than met. Sure, we're in theory supposed to be allowed two hours of free time per weeknight, in which we can in theory use the phones, watch TV, use the Internet, write letters, read, or even sleep, but this is often negated. At least half the time the drill sergeant on night duty will somehow discover that our immaculate barracks are not to standard, and we will have a swell time cleaning, until it's time to shower and then lights out.

B. Acknowledge that you will seldom get more than five consecutive hours of sleep. Something will awake you - either night guard duty or wake up. Once every week or so the itinerary for night duty will allow you about seven hours of sleep. This is perhaps your greatest day, perhaps tying only with-

C. On some weekends, you will get to nap for 2 or 3 hours in the morning. This has to be better than anything else - even coke. Har har har.

D. Don't take anything too seriously. The drill sergeants can only threaten so much, and if you have a more lax view of it all you won't get so utterly stressed out. The world is not going to collapse upon itself... right?

E. Get out of the barracks as frequently as possible. If this means sitting in the hospital chapel after your physical therapy appointment for an hour or so, so be it. Also, try to eat at the hospital as much as possible. Good food, good seats, eat at your own pace. No supervision required. It's the best.

F. Socialize. I can't reiterate this enough. Being a loner is conducive to depression. Depression and alienation are not desirable. One thing the military is good for is forced socialization. You will meet new people, and you may even share an interest. Or a sense of humor. Treasure these people, as they are bastions of sanity in a seemingly hopeless environment.

G. Question why the place exists every waking second. Actually, scratch that. I wasted too much time doing that. I will, however, write TRADOC and my congressmen some nice, informative letters about the wretched state of rehab upon reentry to the civilian world.