CONSPIRACY THEORY

By Bill Hendricks

Isn't it funny how so many rock stars seem to die young? Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Keith Moon, Angus Young, Mama Cass, John Lennon - the list goes on and on.

Ok, now how many of those deaths were what a conspiratorial mind might call "suspicious"?

More than you might think, according to Alex Constantine, author of The Covert War Against Rock: What you don't know about the deaths of Jim Morrison, Tupac Shakur, Michael Hutchence, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Phil Ochs, Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, John Lennon, The Notorious B.I.G. Constantine argues that behind all those seemingly tragic, young deaths lurks a much more complex, sinister truth.

My first thought upon reading the title was, "Michael Hutchence? The dude from INXS? Why would anyone want to destroy INXS? " The answer, revealed in the book's final chapter, is that Hutchence was unwittingly channeling money to Calabrian Mob connections via his unscrupulous manager. Soon after his death - a suspicious hotel-room hanging; his body was found with a cut lip and broken hand - close friend Gianni Versace, also rumored to have been duped by the Calabrians, was murdered. And with that, we're off! Gentlemen, begin your speculation!

Constantine tracks down the under-reported details in a host of rock star deaths. Mama Cass, for one, is said to have choked to death. Yet she was an outspoken social activist (back in the 1960's, when that meant something) and her autopsy was botched. John Lennon was murdered by Mark David Chapman, as everyone knows, but few realize he was the target of a bizarre scheme to steal his journals and defame his legacy. Brian Jones, one-time member of the Rolling Stones, was said to suffer "death by misadventure" in a backyard pool drowning. Again, though, facts say otherwise: Years later a building contractor confessed to the murder.

The facts are intriguing, the speculation tight, but finally there's no conspiracy here, in the strictest sense of the word. The "covert war against rock" has been fought by many different entities, from the COINTELPRO of the radical 60s, to the conservative establishment of the 80s, to the Mafia-tainted music cartel of the 90s. Along the way various managers and hangers-on do their part to destroy rock, mostly out of greed or envy. The conspiracy here is the one that forms around any dynamic, creative individual with an excess of cash. Become a Rockstar - or worse, a Rockstar with a message - and nasty people are going to find you.

Luckily, we don't have to worry about those kinds of Rockstars anymore. It's hard to believe Avril will ever become a threat to the establishment, and it's hard to imagine anyone murdering Coldplay's Chris Martin for anything more than purely aesthetic motives.

Complexity : Pretty low. Pick one or two to memorize and you'll monopolize the water cooler.

Plausibility : High, in that none of these conspiracies ever connect into a large, magnum opus conspiracy that'd have you making tinfoil hats. Next month for that.

Where It Will Help You Score : Whip out the fact that Bob Marley's cancer was probably caused by the CIA and then treated by a former associate of Nazi Dr. Josef Mengele and you'll be golden with the rasta crowd.